Havoc in the House
by Goats-R-US
Summary: Back up...again. Yes, under a different pen name though Bustahead still exists. Please review and show some support. Much thanks.
1. Default Chapter

_Okay so...I'm posting this yet again for anyone who cares. As you can see this is the AUTHORESS notes so therefore I am not making any comments within the actual story itself...whatever MST is. Anyway, this is where HiTH is going to be posted. Please review. _

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**Chaos and Doom and Strawberry milk**

Dante was sitting in his comfy leather chair with his feet propped up on his desk, a cool smirk on his face. "I love my leather chair. It's so comfortable and warm and…" He suddenly fell over as Arson crawled about on the floor and knocked his chair over.

Arson scurried around in a panic, searching the room desperately. "I'VE LOST IT! I'VE LOST MY CHAO!"

"Your what?"

"My chao!"

Dante quirked an eyebrow at him, having no idea what he was going on about.

Arson tried to explain in his panic fit. "It's cute and blue and it makes funny sounds!"

Dante's eyebrow raised further up at this. "Funny sounds?"

Arson nodded. "Like this! Puuuuuuu? Mmmmm puuuuuu?"

Dante shook his head and sighed, looking toward Trish. "What the hell have you given him, Trish?"

Trish looked to him innocently. "I just gave him some strawberry milk!"

Dante slapped his forehead and groaned at her.

"He told me he wanted some!"

"It makes him go hyper!"

". . . ."

"It makes him hallucinate!"

". . . . ."

"And even worse, it makes him pull cute faces!"

Both Dante and Trish looked over at Arson at this point to see him pull a cute, adorable, chibified face.

Dante pointed toward him angrily. "LIKE THAT!"

Trish gave Dante a withered frown. "You just hate me don't you?"

". . . .What?" Dante blinked.

Suddenly, Arson gasped, causing both hunters to snap their vision over to him. "There he is! MY CHAO! FIDDLESTICKS!" the boy started patting at the ground happily. "HERE BOY!" There was a complete and utter silence, indicating that nothing was there.

Dante shook his head lightly, throwing a cuddly Sonic plushy at him to try and keep him occupied.

Arson grabbed the toy quickly, smiling wide. "YAY!" He yelped, giggling happily and rolling around on the ground as he hugged the toy tightly.

Dante couldn't help but sigh, shaking his head at the giddy looking young man. "I worry about you sometimes."

Trish stared at him with a smile. "Awwwwwww!"

"What?" Dante blinked, looking over to her.

"You admitted that you worry for him!"

"When?"

"Just a few seconds ago."

Arson looked up at Dante, making a cute face as he smiled. "Gran'pa? You're the best!"

Dante rolled his eyes and gave him a quick kick, causing Arson to stare up at him with huge, puppy eyes. "ARGH! STOPPIT! He gave him another kick, earning himself another stare, this time bigger and welled up with tears.

In annoyance, Dante pulled out his shotgun, taking aim and shooting the cuddly stuffed animal.

"NOOOOOOO! FIDDLESTICKS!" Arson gasped, staring down in horror at the now mauled toy.

Dante pointed toward the stairs, an agitated look on his face. "GO TO YOUR ROOM YOU'RE GROUNDED!"

Numerous sniffles and sobs came from the boy as he jumped up and ran, straight into a door.

"Ow…." Trish groaned, wincing slightly. Arson himself had a concussion now, and Dante only grinned smugly.

Arson suddenly jumped up, picking up a twig and began twirling it. "I am the daughter of the High Summoner Braska." He then proceeded to dance and twirl, mimicking the Farplane sendoff.

"Jeez…" Dante sighed, rolling his eyes once more.

"I warned you about buying him a PS2. He's so impressionable." Trish sighed, shaking her head.

"He's 17!" Dante snapped.

Arson stopped dancing and blinked up at Gran'p. . .Dante and cocked his head to the side. "What's sex?" He asked innocently. Both Dante and Trish stared at him for some time, not knowing what to tell him. "Well?"

"I think it's past your bedtime!" Trish said quickly, desperate to change the subject.

"Can I have a bedtime story?" Arson asked, completely forgetting about the sex subject for now.

"Oh very well."

"YAY!" Arson yelled excitedly, pulling another cutesy face. Trish grabbed him by the hair, dragging him upstairs to his room.

Dante shook his head lightly, sighing as they left. "She never did know how to be gentle…"

"STORYSTORYSTORY!" Arson demanded happily as he bounced into bed in a pair of Power Ranger pyjamas.

"Fine…" Trish took a deep breath before beginning. "onceuponatimenotlongagotherewasayoungGbythenameofShynePo"

Arson blinked up at her. "That's a rap song, Trishie."

"What? How do you know? And how the hell did you even understand what I said?"

"His name is Shyne and it's song number 2 on his album."

"You've been listening to rap?"

"Yep!"

"At your age?"

"Yep!"

Trish sighed and smacked her forehead, but then looked at Arson as he yelled. "OW!"

Trish stared at him for a moment. "I didn't even hit you though!"

"I'm an angel. I feel the pain of everyone." Arson explained with a sober look on his face. Trish scoffed at this.

"Bullshit!"

"Okay you got me." Arson shrugged. "Now tell me a story!" A strange and funny look came across his eyes and he grinned as Trish slapped him. She frowned at his face, until he suddenly jumped from the bed.

"Guess who's back? Back again? Arson's back! Tell a friend!" He started singing like an idiot. "Guess who's back! Who's on crack? I'm on crack? Niah Niah Niah! Duh da duh da duh da duh da duh da duh da duh NIAH NIAH NIAH!"

Trish narrowed her eyes at him. "You don't know any of the words do you?"

"The tea's gone cold I'm wonderin' whyyyyyy!" He just continued, at least until Trish slapped him again. Then, all hell broke loose.

"Moooooooooooooo!" He yelled as he turned devil and began to fly around, acting like a goatling. "Mooooooooo! Moooooooooooooo!"

"ARGH! I…HATE…GOATLINGS!" Dante roared from downstairs. Trish gave Arson a mean look, putting her hands to her hips.

"ARSON, COME BACK DOWN RIGHT NOW!"

Arson blinked down at her. "Why?"

"BECAUSE IF YOU DON'T I'LL TAKE YOU SHOE SHOPPING!"

Arson turned angel and struck a pose before quickly sliding back into bed. "You strike a hard bargain."

Trish stormed out of the room, growling and fuming to herself as she walked up to Dante, who looked up at her with a grin.

"Did you tell him a nice story?"

Trish trudged into the kitchen swiftly, getting the strawberry milk from the fridge and throwing it out the kitchen window. Both Trish and Dante smiled to each other before Dante laughed.

"That's my Grandson!"

_Only Dante would be proud of having a Grandson who's as annoying as him! _Trish thought as she shook her head in misery.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

_I remember when I first started this fic, and how shocked I was when people actually reviewed this, and told me they liked it. I remember how thrilled I was when this reached 100 reviews. That had never happened to me before. Then when it reached 200 reviews I was thrilled. I still remember that it was Kikoken that gave me 200th review. Incidentally she gave me my 300th review too. (laughs) Anyway, so I've been working hard, trying to type up the chapters in the new format, trying really hard to get this back up on the net. All I can do is thank ALL of you for showing me the amount of support you have done. You guys are great._

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****S****ocks and strawberries**

It was the next morning after the small catastrophe that had occurred with the strawberry milk, and Arson awoke, stirring and greeting the morning like he always did.

"Uugh. . ." He moaned.

Indeed, Arson was suffering horribly from depression, the consequence of drinking too much strawberry milk, the angels equivalent of alcohol. Trish opened the door silently, popping her head in and looking around.

"Hey Arson! Hurry up and get ready!" The boy began to weep some, so Trish threw a sock at him. His tears dried almost instantly as he grabbed up the sock.

"YAY! FIDDLESTICKS!" He yelped in joy as he began to play with the old sock. Trish sighed and walked back downstairs, having Dante look up at her from the couch.

"What's he doing?"

"He's playing with a sock." Trish explained with a sigh.

"Again?"

Trish cocks a brow at him. ". . . . . .Again?"

It was Dante's turn to sigh now. "He's played with socks before…and most of the time something bad happens."

"Like what?"

As if to answer her question, there was a loud yell from upstairs, obviously belonging to Arson. "OW! FIDDLESTICKS BIT ME!"

Trish rolled her eyes. "Fiddlesticks is a sock! How can a sock bite you?" Arson soon came running down the stairs, crying and screaming as though he was under attack.

Dante was quick to act and grabbed the closest thing at hand-a fluffy, pink marshmallow. "Here boy!" He called, whistling and trying to gain Arson's attention. "Here boy! Here!" The youth looked toward him, and then began to pant and crawl up to Dante on all fours. Dante rewarded him by feeding him the marshmallow. "Good boy!"

Arson looked up at him happily, wiggling his behind rapidly like a dog would with a tail. "Wuf!" Trish gave them both a puzzled look.

"Look on the bright side, he isn't crying anymore." Dante stated with a shrug. As though in spite of Dante, Arson started whimpering. "What is it girl?"

Trish gave him a mean look as though to state with her face that he was a moron.

"Um. . .boy?" Dante's answer to this was only more whimpering. Dante turned around and his eyes grew wide. ". .Oh. . ."

Trished looked as well, her eyes becoming just as widened. "Crap!"

"Never give him a sock again, Trish!" Dante snapped.

"Okay…but do I get paid compensation for this?" Trish asked, just as a huge infested sock slid down the banister of the stairs. If the teeth filled mouth was anything to go by, the sock was hungry.

Dante stared up at it, and then back at Trish, his eyes narrowed. "Where the hell did you find that sock anyway?"

"From under his bed."

"You fool! Don't you know better then picking things up from underneath a teenage boy's bed? Anything could happen!"

"I found a candy under Virgil's bed once."

Dante blinked. "When?"

"Um…oh wait that's your Mom's memory…anyway, Virgil was a teenager too."

"And?" Dante's eye brow raised.

"…well nothing bad happened at all."

Dante slapped his forehead. "That settles it! NEVER PICK ANYTHING UP FROM UNDER ARSON'S BED!"

"Oh well." Trish said with a shrug before being eaten by the sock.

Dante looked over to Arson quickly, who was hiding underneath the table, whimpering. "Um. . .SIC HIM, GIRL!" The sock gave him the look you'd give an idiot. "BOY!"

"Wuf…" Arson barked, running up to the sock on all fours. He quickly caught it and put it into the shredder; however, now the shredder became infested, and began tearing up random bits of clothing.

"Trish isn't going to be too happy when she's spat out…" Dante groaned, watching as the shredder continued to rip up her clothes.

Suddenly, Arson seemed to go more insane than he already was, smiling wide and looking rather cute. "Mmmmm….marshmallow….EHEHEHEHEHEHEHEHEH BLAH BLAH BOOO MWAH GAH!" He babbled, licking Dante randomly on the face.

"Arson?" Dante asked curiously as Arson began to froth at the mouth and spin around in circles on a PC chair.

"WHEEEEEEEEEEE! FUN FUN FUN FUN!"

Dante looked down at the packet of marshmallows on the table and started reading over the front label. "…Yummy Strawberry Marshmallow Treats…" He gasped as he realized what they were. "STRAWBERRY? OHNO!"

Arson leaped from the PC chair and onto Dante's back. "PIGGY BACK! ME WANT PIGGY BACK RIDE!" Arson yelled giddily. Dante tried to shake him off, but to no avail as the boy hung on tightly. "KEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! PIGGEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! GEEEEEEEEEEEEE UP!" he yelled again, poking out his tongue.

Suddenly , the shredder spat Trish out, half her clothes missing. "ACK!" Dante turned and gawked at her, his jaw dangling slightly. "STOP STARING AT ME!" Trish screeched before suddenly noticing that half of her closet was being destroyed by the shedder. She then shot it, and it died.

Dante was still burdened with Arson upon his back and narrowed his eyes at Trish. "Why didn't you do that in the first place?"

Trish blinked. ". . . .Dunno. . ."

"Oh…." Both hunters sat there for a few moments, not saying anything to one another. At last, Trish broke the silence.

"At least I have the excuse to buy something new from town."

Dante glared at her. "Oh no…..no way!" Trish just grinned at him.

**LATER**

Arson was still clinging to Dante's back as they went through the store, Dante whining and griping. "I can't believe you've dragged me into this!"

Trish just smiled happily, trying on every single thing in the store.

A random woman came up to Dante. "Awwww…isn't that so sweet of you?" Dante blinked over at her.

"What?"

"Carrying around someone like that because he's tired? Isn't that sweet?"

Dante looked back at Arson, who had been unusually quiet. "He's asleep? He just wanted a piggy back ride."

The woman looked at him in surprise. "At his age?"

"Yep!" Dante answered with a grin, causing the woman to back away slowly. After she was gone, Dante shook Arson from his back, dumping him into a trashcan.

Amazingly, Arson slept through it. "Zzzzzz. . ."

While Arson slept, a man came by, dumping his half eaten cheeseburger into the bin. Soon after, Arson woke up and fell out of the bin, still in his hyper state. "WHOOOOOOOO! INKA BINKA MOO MOO MOO!" He watched a kid holding a chocolate bar walk past, then got a crazed and demented look in his eyes. "Mmmmm….HUNGWY…."

Dante heard the sound of a kid screaming from where he was. "Oh crap!" He quickly dashed off to where he'd dumped Arson. When he got there, Arson was holding the kid in a stranglehold and snatched the chocolate bar away from him greedily. "MINE!"

The kid was crying and screaming, and Dante stomped his foot on the ground. "ARSON! DROP HIM RIGHT NOW!"

Arson blinked up at him. "Wuf?"

Dante quickly held out a piece of bubblegum to Arson. "Come 'ere girl!" The kid stared up at him like he was a moron. "Boy!"

Arson dropped the kid randomly and toddled up to Dante, grabbing the pink bubblegum away from him and stuffing it into his mouth, smiling. "Mmmm…strawberry."

Dante stared down at him in disbelief of himself. "What have I done?" he whined, falling to his knees.

Elsewhere within the mall, Trish was taking several shoes to the till. "How much?"

The assistant smiled at her as she rang up the total. "180,000 please!"

"WHAT?"

Suddenly, Arson crashed into the store, aiming and scanning the room with a stolen water pistol. "HANDS UP!"

The assistant gasped, putting her hands into the air quickly, thinking she was gonna be robbed. Arson grinned over at her as he saw her raise her hands up.

"My, someone IS eager! Okay…what is the answer to….14857609867465+11?"

The assistant blinked. "What?"

Arson smirked wickedly, aiming the gun up at her. "Wrong answer." He then squeezed the trigger, squirting her. She let out a small yelp, and then fainted in fear.

"Oooooh…cwazy lady go poof!" Arson cackled.

Trish smiled wide. "Thanks Arson!" She gathered up all of her shoes, walking off without paying.

Dante was still regretting giving Arson the bubblegum, crying on the ground while little kids tried to give him their ice creams to cheer him up. As Trish came by him, she sighed, smiling again. "I love shopping!" She laughed, grabbing Dante and dragging him along the ground by his coat collar.

Arson jumped onto Dante's back, pulling more adorable, cute faces. "PIGGEEE BACK!" And so, the torture continued.


	3. Chapter 3

**Psychiatrists and Girlfriends!**

"Aaaah don't you just love mornings? Waking up to feel the sun on your face? Waking up to smell someone making coffee downstairs and possibly the smell of burnt toast? Don't you just love it all?" Busta sang as she introduced the story, standing outside the dark building of Devil May Cry.

"NO WAY! I'M A VAMPIRE DAMMIT!" Rayne roared angrily from beside her.

"Shut up, you!" Busta hissed. Rayne promptly started crying and ran away. "The sun was shining, and the grass was smelling nice…well to those who didn't suffer from hay fever. The birds were singing as well. It was a beautiful day and everyone was happy. Almost…"

"NOOOOOOOOO! I'M NOT GOING! NO WAY NO HOW!" Dante's voice boomed from inside the house. Trish stood, her hands on her hips.

"But you have to! You told the guy that you were definitely going to go." Trish argued.

"But he laughs at me! He doesn't believe what I tell him!"

Trish picked Arson up and plonked him onto the table in front of Dante. "Well this time you have proof."

Arson blinked at Trish's words, smiling wide. "Poof? Poof! POOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOF! POOFIE OOFIE FUN FUN FUN!" He babbled, clapping his hands and giggling giddily. Dante narrowed his eyes, bursting out yelling again.

"NO! I'M NOT TAKING HIM WITH ME!"

Aaah yes. Once again Dante had to go to the psychiatrist and unburden his problems. Or problem. Of course, he certainly didn't want to.

With another giggle, Arson stood up onto the table. "Moooooooooo!" he bellowed, pretending to be a goatling. This caused Dante to shudder at him.

As to not have any more argument from Dante, Trish quickly bundled him and Arson onto Dante's motorcycle, tying Arson to the back of it. As Dante started the engine, a long smile crossed Arson's face.

"Wow! It's vibrating!"

A large sweatdrop appeared on Dante's head as he wrinkled his nose in disgust. "Now that's just sick!" Trish said nothing, but walked back into the house to throw up. Arson looked up at Dante with a concerned look.

"Auntie Trishie isn't well, Gran'pa!"

"Don't call me that!" Dante growled. Arson blinked up at him innocently.

"But you're my Gran'pa!" he defended.

"Look. Call me sir! Okay? Or you can even call me The Godsend!" This earned Dante a big, cute smile.

"Okay!"

**LATER**

During the ride, Arson had fallen asleep on the back of the motorcycle. As Dante pulled up to the psychiatrists, he pulled Arson off the bike and lugged him along behind him as he went into the office.

The doctor poked his head from his office, looking in Dante's direction. "I'm ready for you, sir." Dante nodded and went into Dr. Chasm's room. Chasm sat down behind his desk, watching Dante.

"Now…"

Dante blinked and looked around the rather dimly lit room. "It's a little dark in here don't you think?" Chasm suddenly jumped up onto the desk top and pointed down at Dante as if to accuse him of something.

"WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?"

"Um…because it is?"

Chasm got down from the desk and sat down in his chair again. "Very well…" He clapped his hands, and the blinds went up in response. "Better?"

"Yep."

Rayne, who was also in the room, squealed as the light shone into the room. "NO!" He ran and cowered into a cupboard to sulk. Dante looked over to the cupboard questioningly.

"Don't mind him." Chasm assured. "He's suffering from PMS."

"What?" Dante asked, a funny look on his face.

"Never mind. He's another patient."

"What's he in for?"

"I'm trying to stop him from cracking stupid jokes that make no sense and offend people. He is showing a lot of progress…" Chasm explained. "but now I have to stop him from thinking he's a girl."

"Oh."

"Now enough about him! Let's talk about you." Chasm stared forward at Dante. "How are you feeling?"

"Tired."

Once again, Chasm jumped up onto the desk. "WHY DID YOU SAY THAT?"

"Because I am?"

"Very well…" Chasm took a seat once more behind the desk. "Who's that?" He asked, looking at Arson, who was still asleep. Dante sighed miserably.

"The cause of all my stress and problems."

"Your mother in law?"

"No! My Grandson!"

"I seeeeeeee. . ." Chasm grabbed up a notebook and began scribbling things down into it. "Why does he cause you so much grief?"

"Stress." Dante corrected.

"I said grief so it's gonna be grief, okay?"

"Okay."

"You seem to be of a nervous disposition, sir."

Dante cocked a brow. "What's a disposition?"

"A Mood." Chasm explained.

"I'm not in a mood!" Chasm stared at him in annoyance

"Anyway, he's just nuts. He goes crazy and he's so random!" Dante began to explain. "He likes to eat strawberries and he pretends he's a dog or that he's a demon! Well I guess he is…but he's an angel too."

Chasm had a confused look upon his face. "You're contradicting yourself."

"Wha-?"

"You're saying one thing and then another."

"STOP USING YOUR LONG WINDED WORDS!" Dante snarled in warning. Chasm quirked his eyebrows at Dante, who sighed and grabbed Arson. "I'll show you what I mean." He then picked Arson up and plonked him onto the desk. The boy woke up slowly, then looked around the room.

"Where am I?"

"You're in a psychiatrist's office." Chasm explained.

"I see." Arson's voice was calm and normal. "Why?"

"Your grandfather seems to be under the impression that you are crazy."

"But that's preposterous!" Arson defended. Dante stared at him, his eyes wide.

"He's just lying! He's as crazy as a hippo-eating chimpanzee!" Chasm looked over at him.

"You're crazy for even suggesting that chimpanzees eat hippos."

Dante ignored the comment and poked Arson. "Are you a dog or a demon?"

"I'm a teenager." Arson stated calmly. Dante now had tears in his eyes, and tried to figure out how he could make Arson act insanely. He got a plan.

"Do you want a pink marshmallow?" He asked, fishing around in his pockets until he pulled one out.

Arson smiled happily. "Yes please!" Dante gave him one.

Arson ate it calmly, and then smiled. "Thanks." Dante waited a moment, then stared wide eyed as nothing happened.

"B-b-but!"

Chasm sighed. "I think we've seen enough. Dante, I suggest you take these." He said, handing Dante a bottle of pills.

"B-b-but!" Dante protested.

"They'll stop you from hallucinating. I bid thee good day." Dante took them and walked out of the room, dazed as hell.

As they began to walk out, Arson blinked and smiled wide. "Ooooh…I'm feeling kinda tingly!" He started giggling again now, and Dante slapped himself on the forehead, knocking himself out.

Arson ran out of the psychiatrists office, barking and acting completely crazy. "WUF WUF WUF!"

"Oooooh…he's so kawaii!" Someone squealed happily.

Arson stopped running and began sniffing at a hotdog stand. "Hungwy!" Suddenly, someone hugged him and he blinked. "Wuf?"

"You're so cute!" the person said, hugging onto him tighter.

"I know!" Arson said, preening and making cute, adorable faces.

"What's your name?"

"….Um….uh…I dunno! Sometimes known as Arson, arse-wipe, arse, arse munch, arse bandit,"

1 hour later

"and arse-hole…but you can call me The Great Mootah!"

"I'll just stick with Arson."

"Okay."

Five minutes passed, before the person began to speak again.

"Aren't you going to ask me my name?" She asked.

"No…I'll call you The Great High Jazz."

"I'd rather be known as Ara."

Arson shrugged. "Okay."

Five more minutes passed, and it was Ara again who broke the silence.

"…..you wanna do something?"

"Yeah I wanna scare something." Arson replied.

"Okay."

Arson looked around, then picked up a bench and chucked it at a cow, who just happened to be standing in the middle of the street.

"Moooooooooooooooo!"

"The Godsend hates Goatlings like you!" Arson yelled, thinking the cow was a goatling. He danced and pranced about, then headbutted into a wall.

"Isn't he cute?" Ara asked herself, watching him. "Who's the Godsend?" Arson pointed over at Dante, who was sitting on the ground, then the boy got a concussion from hitting the wall.

Dante sat there, swearing and cursing. Ara blinked over at Arson. "That's the Godsend?"

Arson had a crazed look about him. "You heathen!" He yelled before attacking a shopping cart. Ara watched him, smiling.

"Awwwwwwwwww!"

Arson was still mauling the shopping cart, and jumped back, yelling at it. "I hate you Al Bheds! I hate you! I've lost every single game I've ever played, nah? Yah? Nah? Yah? Nah? Yah? Heathen!"

Ara said nothing, but quickly ran away before she got hit with a blitzball.

Dante got up and walked over to Arson, then slapped him. The boys eyes welled up with tears. "They used to call me Mr. Glass!"

"I knew we shouldn't have taken him to see Unbreakable…" Dante grumbled.

"I'm an art professor!" Arson yelled, spearing a sausage from the hot dog stand with a fork, and then started swiping at random people with it.

"Or X2." Dante groaned as Arson began to slobber all over him and make cute faces. "Or Lilo and Stitch…"

"Whooooooooooooo!"

Dante sighed and grabbed Arson, tugging him along. "Time to go home, Arson." As they passed the psychiatrist's place, Dante grinned, snickering. "Or time for me to go home!"

Back in the office, Chasm was sitting at his desk, drinking a cup of coffee and looking at Rayne. "Are you a vampire?"

"Yes." Rayne nodded.

"Are you a guy?"

"Yes."

"Are you funny?"

"Yes." Rayne perked up. "Have you heard about the rude pirate movie? It was rated Arrrrrrrrrrrrr!"

Chasm was silent through the bland joke. Rayne decided to try another one.

"Why was the lady chasing after her nose? Because it was running!"

"I see we still have a lot of progress to make." Chasm sighed. Suddenly, there was the sound of shattering glass as something smashed through the window and bowled into Chasm. Needless to say, it was Arson.

Arson made numerous cute faces and slobbered all over Chasm. "ATCHUPUKKA!"

"……..Euw!" Chasm yelled, pulling him off and chucking him at Rayne.

"My precioussssss-sssssss-sssssss! My own!" Rayne hissed, running of carrying a ring made of candy, stroking it the whole time.

Arson jumped up and stared at Chasm, pointing at him. "I'm Sonic the Hedgehog! You faker!"

Chasm said nothing at first, but all the way in England a scream could be heard.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! STOP THE MADNESS! STOP IT!"

"That's what psychiatrists are for!" Dante snickered.

Trish grinned at him and giggled. "Oh Dante you are so droll!"

"Wha-?"

Trish sighed. "Never mind…."


	4. Chapter 4

_Heya everyone! I just wanted to thank everyone so far who has shown me support! It's greatly appreciated. I know it must be SO boring to re-read these really old chapters in a crappy style. It just doesn't suit HiTH really, does it? Anyway, I'm trying to make it suit it as much as possible, but it's really difficult. Anyway, thanks a lot guys. You guys are great! Anyway, please read and review this! All proceeds will go to...erm...my ego. No, actually it will go to keeping HiTH alive!_

_Much thanks!_

_Read and review but MOST of all, ENJOY!_

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**Fieldtrips and Drama classes**

Oh it is lovely to be at school. Says the one who hates it with a vengeance. All those exams, tests, midterms, GCSEs and whatnot…what are we bears? I thought bear baiting stopped a long time ago! Anyway, it is a Monday. (gasp) Monday Blues are quite usual for students all over the world…but not for he who blows up ovens in his spare time. Not for he who can't tell a goose from a _mon_goose. Indeed, you have guessed correctly. Arson is getting ready to go to school.

'SCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOL!' He bounced up and down eating Lucky Charms breakfast cereal. 'SCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOLSCHOOL!'

'Isn't he precious?' cooed Trish

'I liked him better as a dog.' Grumbled Dante

'DANTE!' Trish stared at him in outrage, which caused Dante to grumble some more.

'A demon be's honest for once and he gets yelled at. Typical.'

'There's no pink marshmallows in my bowl.' Said Arson suddenly, as though this was a huge crime.

Dante grinned evilly. 'Good.'

Arson's eyes promptly welled up with tears.

Trish suddenly shoved him out of the door not giving a chance for Arson to get dressed properly.

Arson had no choice but to walk off to school in his pyjamas. They have the X-men on them for those of you who want to know.

Rayne suddenly appeared out of nowhere and skateboarded past Arson and crashed into a lamp post. He was covered in sun block and was wearing sunglasses.

'YAY!' Arson squealed and ran up to him.

Rayne looked at his clothes and frowned. 'I guess Trish didn't let you change your clothes again?'

Arson nodded. 'Again.'

'Oh…cool.' Rayne grinned at him.

'But even worse…' began Arson again.

Rayne wondered whether Arson was going to be intellectual and go on about politics.

'I DIDN'T HAVE ANY PINK MARSHMALLOWS IN MY CEREAL!'

Rayne sighed. Maybe Arson would NEVER be intellectual. 'Never mind Arson. Have you forgotten about our field trip? Did you get the permission slip signed?'

'Um….'

_Flashback _

Arson gave Dante a permission slip.

'What the hell is this?' said Dante while drinking beer.

'A permission slip for a field trip.' Said Arson cutely, pulling faces. Dante looked annoyed by this.

'Ask Trish.'

Trish was doing press-ups while listening to Britney Spears, "Hit me Baby One More Time". Arson walked into the room and shoved the paper under her nose.

'Auntie Trishie!' He turned on the charm by forming bug huge chibified puppy eyes at her. 'Can you sign this payslip?'

'PAYSLIP? SURE!' Trish signed without even looking.

Arson smiled and then walked off.

'When do I get paid?' Trish suddenly asked. Arson stopped and quickly thought.

'Tomorrow.'

'Oh…' And there she had sat, waiting for tomorrow.

_End flashback_

Rayne gave him a weird look and raised his eyebrows. 'Oooooookay then!' The two began to walk to school quietly.

'……' said Arson.

'……' said Rayne

'What's first lesson?' said Arson suddenly.

'Drama. But then we go on the field trip.'

'Oh…'

'……' said Rayne

'……' said Arson

'……' said Rayne

'……' said Arson

(what an intellectual conversation this is! )

LATER IN DRAMA CLASS

'I hear the teacher's new to this kind of thing.' Said Rayne conversationally.

'……' Arson suddenly turned to Rayne using huge puppy eyes.

'No,' sighed Rayne. 'We're not going to be nice to him.'

'But The Godsend says that that's not nice.'

Rayne looked at him as though he were a moron. 'Well d-uh!'

'The Godsend says that I have to be a good boy.' Arson continued blithely.

'You're 17 quit acting 5!' Rayne snapped. Arson looked at him in surprise and pouted.

'But people like me like this!'

'They like to laugh at you.' Came the sour reply.

'No they don't. Watch!' Arson jumped off his seat and walked up to several girls who were sitting in the back row before pulling another cute chibified face at them. 'Hi!'

'Oh he's so Kawaii!' said one girl

'Hi sweetie!' Another one said with a grin.

Arson pulled a cute adorable chibi face. 'Do you like giraffes?' he asked randomly.

'Um…yes?' said Hannah, looking confused.

'I do too!' said the first girl, determined to have her say.

'Okay.' Said Arson. And without another word, he walked back to his desk, leaving the two girls looking confused and annoyed. Rayne stared at him as though he was a fool. Arson smiled at him cutely.

'What?' he asked.

'You just walked away from two gorgeous girls!' yelled Rayne. Arson blinked and looked confused before he began to pout. 'You idiot! You could have gone on a date with one and set me up with the other!' Arson's face brightened.

'The Godsend says I'm not allowed to date yet. He says I'm too young.'

Rayne stared at him in disbelief.

Arson continued. 'He wants me to become a monk.' Arson then held his hands together as though praying and tried to look holy.

Rayne just continued to stare.

'ATTENTION CLASS!' boomed the teacher as he entered.

Arson grinned and saluted immediately.

Rayne glared at him. 'Idiot…'

'Uh…not that kind of attention.' Said the teacher, looking worried.

Arson started to purr and wrapped himself around the teacher's legs happily, still purring and nuzzling his legs.

'ATTENTION NOT AFFECTION YOU MOOTAH!' Rayne snarled at him.

The teacher had no choice but to drag himself away from Arson the Mootah and sit on the desk. 'My name is Titer Bloodred.'

'Ooooooooh!' said Arson happily, making Stitch noises.

'ACK! BLOOD! ACK ACK ACK!' Rayne started to freak out for no reason.

'Rayne no likes blood.' Arson explained to a bewildered teacher.

'I seeeeeeeeee' Rayne suddenly calmed down.

'Are we doing a medieval play? With bows and arrows and swords?'

Arson looked up at Titer to see that he was short, balding, wearing medieval clothes and was holding a sword. A crazed look fell into Arson's eyes. 'OOOOH!'

'No Arson! No!' cried Rayne.

Arson suddenly grabbed Titer's sword and examined it. 'The Godsend's sword is better then this one.' He pouted, disappointed. Titer blinked and looked even more confused.

'The…Godsend?'

'The Godsend! The Godsend knows all!'

Dawn randomly got up and glared. 'HE LIES! I KNOW HIS GRANDFATHER IS NOT A GODSEND! HE'S A DEMON I TELL YOU! A DEMON!' She screeched as she was dragged out of the classroom by the school nurse.

Arson started to wail.

'Um…we will be re-enacting Sonic The Hedgehog.' Titer started trying to bring peace to the somewhat disrupted class.

Arson suddenly growled. 'You faker.'

Titer looked delighted. 'Well done! You've already got the part of Sonic!'

Rayne looked pissed off and jealous. 'What about me?'

'Um…show me what you can do!'

Rayne suddenly started tapdancing and finished with another few fancy steps. 'Ta Daaaaaaaaaaaaa!' he bellowed.

'Crappy!' said Arson in a baby voice.

'Shut up you!' Rayne snarled and pummelled Arson.

Arson promptly shrieked. 'FAKER! FAKER! FAKEEEEEEEEEEEEER!'

'Fine you get the part of Shadow.' Said Titer suddenly, hoping to break up the fight. Rayne suddenly remembered something and looked at him.

'I've never played Sonic The Hedgehog.' Titer gasped at him, his jaw dropping to the ground and sweatdropped.

'WHAT?'

'I've never played Sonic The Hedgehog.' Rayne repeated again. Titer gasped at him, his jaw dropping to the ground and sweatdropped.

'WHAT?'

'I've never played…'

'GO TO DETENTION! IMMEDIATELY!'

'But I have a field trip!'

'FINE! YOU WILL HAVE DETENTION um…AFTERWARDS!'

'Okay.' Rayne grinned for no reason.

'Is detention like prison?' Arson looked towards Rayne. Rayne grinned and decided to lie, to scare Arson.

'Yep.'

'Do they whip you and beat you and shoves sticks down your nose?' Arson's eyes had widened with curiosity.

Rayne saw an opportunity to scare his best friend's mind and grinned, deciding to take advantage of it. 'They sure do!'

'Cool! I wanna go!' Arson looked excited as hell, and looked as though he was about to ask whether their next field trip would be to Prison. Rayne backed away from him and sat in a desk FAR away from him, totally freaked out. The bell suddenly rang.

'END OF CLASS!' The teacher chose this minute to boom.

LATER

The students of "Retarded Demonic Titans School" are clambering onto the School Bus.

Arson was sitting on the roof of the bus singing an old Indian song that no one but Indian people know about.

Rayne rolled his eyes as he heard Arson's atrocious singing. He growled and covered his ears. Arson grinned when he saw him do this and stopped singing. Rayne grinned and uncovered his ears, thinking it was safe to do so. Arson belted out his song again.

'WHAT ARE YOU DOING ON THE ROOF?' bawled Titer at Arson suddenly. Rayne glared at Arson again before he went onto the bus.

Arson looked down at Titer and grinned. 'Whooooooooo! Attchupukka!'

Titer had no choice but to sweatdrop at the Stitch noises. 'Okay then.' He gave him another worried look before he got onto the bus as it began to move, Arson still clinging to the roof off the bus and getting hit on the head by a bridge as the bus passed under it.

Titer groaned and stopped the bus before retrieving him. Arson didn't seem as though he'd been hit too badly. In fact, he was acting relatively normal.

'Miow miow miow! I'm a cat!' he yelled at the top of his voice.

Titer groaned and looked at Arson worried as the demon hybrid began to purr. 'I knew I should've stuck to writing…'

Hannah, one of the girls from before started to coo. 'Isn't he precious?' she gushed.

'He sure is!' yelled Ara. They started to pull his cheeks gently and cooed at him, hugging him and giving him pecks on the cheek. Rayne looked pissed off and jealous. He was pleased as hell when Titer finally boomed.

'Finally! We're here!' Arson grinned and looked out of the window, his eyes widening and his jaw dropping.

'S-s-s-strawberries!' he gasped. Titer looked at him as though he was a prize pupil, and extremely intelligent.

'The biggest strawberry field in the world. And we're here to visit it!' He said proudly.

Arson's eyes promptly welled up with tears of happiness, causing the girls to coo some more. An insane grin suddenly pasted itself on his face. 'Look at all the strawberries! All for me! All mine! My preciousssssss!' He cackled. Rayne glared at him.

'weirdo…' He grumbled. Arson could no longer contain himself, and jumped at the window several times before he crashed through it and started running through the strawberry field, gobbling up all the fruit as he went.

'YUM YUM YUM!' he screamed. He suddenly froze, his eyes widening, and drool flying from his mouth before a crazed grin appeared. This was a danger sign. Arson…was getting hyper!

'Hey Arse? You okay?' said Rayne, acting concerned.

Arson continued to grin and started to spin in circles, screaming random stupidity. 'ATTACHA ATTACHA ATTACHA FWAAAAAA HA HA HA! NOONOO'S A BIG PIECE OF-'

Titer: 'Arson!'

Arson growled and started attacking Titer and started to play with his shoelaces 'Look everyone! It's Sonic the Hedgehog. My but you've lost weight, Sonic…'He started to coo at the shoelaces he believed were Sonic the Hedgehog.

'RUN FOR COVER!' screamed Rayne, wetting his pants at the evil sight of seeing Arson, who had started running through the fields again. Rayne suddenly paused and grinned, getting what he thought was a bright idea. 'Wait…I've got an idea to calm him down.' He picked up a strawberry and bellowed. 'Hey Arse!'

Arson froze and turned towards him, slobbering.

'Look what I've got!' Rayne opened his mouth and dropped the strawberry in.

Arson's eyes welled up with angry tears. 'Those strawberries are mine! You stole from me! You thief!' He snarled, his eyes turning red, a sure sign he was angry as hell.

Rayne screamed with fear and ran away.

Arson turned into a devil and rampaged. 'RRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! RAAAAAAAGH RAAAAAGH RAAAAAAAAGH!' He ran around eating everything including bushes. Finally all the strawberries had been eaten. But Arson still wasn't satisfied.

'RAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH! MORE MORE! I NEED MOOOOOOORE!' And with that, he flew off to the supermarket and ate all the strawberries there before visiting another store.

MEANWHILE, Dante was watching the telly. Trish was sitting down still waiting for her payslip. Dante sighed, bored, and switched over to the news. He gasped and sat up some more. 'Uh oh…'

Trish looked up at him. 'What is it?'

Dante shook his head, speechless and pointed at the screen.

A Reporter sat at the news desk looking grim and serious. 'There have been several reports about an unknown beast flying around the world. It has been said that all he wants are the strawberries in the world.'

The shot suddenly zoomed in on a farmer. 'It was awful! I was just outside taking care of my strawberries and then this thing came up and ate them all!' He bawled.

'Aaaaaah'll neeeeeever be the saaaaaaaaaaayme agaaaaaaaaaaain!' yelled Farmer 135.

'Police suggest that if you give him all the strawberries in the world, you will come to no harm. What the-? ARGH!' The Reporter screamed as a suddenl black and red beast charged into the reporting room.

'STRAWBERRIES! MUST HAVE! MUST HAVE! RAAAAAAAAAAAGH!'

'That guy's a raving lunatic!' yelled Trish, watching the destruction. Dante looked at her as though she was retarded.

'That guy's Arson!' Trish stared at Dante and then stared at Arson and then looked back at Dante. 'Come on! We have to help!' Trish glared and then pouted.

'But what about my payslip!'

Dante growled and dragged her by the hair and forced her onto his bike before driving off and crashing into a lamp post.

………………………………

Trish gasped as she stared at the lamp post. 'That's not a lamp post!' Dante stared at her and then looked back at the lamp post.

'Arson? What are you doing?' he asked patiently. Arson grinned.

'Look at me! I'm a lamp post!' He continued to stand completely still while still in his demon form. Dante frowned, thought a bit, and then pulled off one of his boots.

'Look Arson! It's a chao!' Arson looked towards him and squealed as Dante threw the boot to him. Arson pounced on it happily.

'Oooooooh! Fiddlesticks is back!'

'Now will you come home and be a good boy?' Trish sighed.

'Mayyyyyyyybe?' said Arson, with a grin.

'Good enough.' Trish jumped on him and stuffed him into a bag and ran back home.

Dante's watched suddenly beeped. He looked at it and then groaned. 'Oh great…'

LATER Dante found himself at the psychiatrics office again, sitting in front of Chasm, who was staring at him as though he was a fascinating green toe-nail.

'What seems to be the problem?' he said.

'He turned into a demon…and he ran amok…he just destroyed everything!' said Dante brokenly. But Chasm had other things on his mind.

'And where's your other boot?' Dante looked down and stared at his feet. One had a boot on, and the other simply had a sock.

'I gave it to him to make him happy.' Dante whispered.

'Wouldn't a toy suffice?'

Dante remained completely silent and glowered at him. '……'

'Wouldn't a nice tennis ball have been more acceptable?' Chasm sounded more and more patronizing.

Dante looked confused. 'Wha-?'

'But no. You gave him a smelly boot. You sir, are a disgrace.' Chasm handed him some more medication, almost gleefully.

'But he likes it!' Dante cried.

'Children like toys!'

'……but he's 17!'

'Even worse! You gave a 17 year old a mouldy boot? Toys, Dante! Toys!'

Dante started to sob, seeing as he knew he couldn't win.

Chasm sighed. 'I suggest you get plenty of bed rest. And I'm going to increase the dosage. You now need to take 310 tablets twice a day.'

Dante started to cry harder.

Chasm sat back, satisfied and watched as Dante continued to cry. 'My work here is done.'


	5. Chapter 5

_Heya everybody, and thank you for lending me your support by reviewing these old reposted chapters of doom. I'm really grateful; you guys have been so great and so totally amazing in supporting me. I just hope this continues. Anyway, I'm pleased to announce that I have done quite a few chapters...so far I've rewritten up to Chapter 16. Just waiting for permission here and there to check it's still okay to feature people in this. Hopefully we should have no problems. _

_Anyway, I'm going to put these up one at a time...just in case the site tries to shut down my ass again. Let's hope not, hm?

* * *

**Chapter 5 – Puppies and Babysitters**_

This day was just like any other, except for poor Dante, who was getting a piercing look from Trish at the moment. She glared down at him as he just sat there on the couch.

"I want to go out."

"When?" Dante asked boredly.

"Now!" Trish demanded, stomping her foot on the floor.

"I've got tomorrow free!" Dante looked hopeful, but the narrowed eyes of Trish seemed to kill any hope he had of fooling her.

"I'm not falling for that trick again."

"Damn…" Trish looked at him oddly, and he just smiled nervously back at her.

"Why don't you ever take me anywhere?"

"Um…because last time you pulled off a man's wig and tried it on yourself!"

Trish blinked. "I did that?"

"Yes! I remember it clearly!"

Flashback

"Oooooh! Nice wig!" Trish yelled, grabbing a man and pulling on his hair. "It's real? It's stuck to you?" She finally pulled off the mans tope and stuck it on her own head, looking herself over. "Nah…not my image!" She plopped the hairpiece back onto the mans head and sat down, leaving the poor guy confused and offended.

End flashback

"But that was just that one time!" Trish protested, gaining a scowl from Dante.

"That one time was enough!"

"I'll be good! I promise!" Trish swore. Dante sighed in defeat, pretty much just wanting to end the argument.

"I'd take you but there's just one problem." Trish cocked an eyebrow at him.

"What's that?"

"Arson…"

"What about him? We can take him with us!" Dante stared at her in wide eyed disbelief.

"Maybe not then…"

Suddenly, Arson came crashing into the house. "GWAPPA!" After yelling this, he toddled up to the stairs, off to his room.

Dante looked at Trish and blinked. "He didn't hug me?"

"Or me!"

Dante shook his head and stood from the sofa. "Something's wrong and I'm gonna find out!"

"You don't trust him much, do you?"

"Would you?"

Trish started thinking back to all the past incidents involving Arson. "Yes!"

Dante gave her a bewildered look. "…Strawberries?"

Trish continued thinking back to past events. "Yes!"

"Um…threatening innocent farmers?"

"Yes!"

"Payslip?"

"………Yes?" Dante stared at her almost boredly. "I mean no!"

"Better." Dante nodded in satisfaction and marched up the stairs to Arson's room.

"I wouldn't go in there if I were you…" Trish warned. Dante stopped at the door, his hand on the knob.

"Why not?" Trish only sighed in reply. Dante shrugged, barging into the room, then looked around, his eyes wide.

"Hey Gran'pa!" Arson said as he looked up at Dante.

Dante looked around the room. "Why have you got strawberry posters all over your walls?" Arson looked at him, a big grin on his face.

"You like them?"

"No I find them disturbing." Dante put bluntly. Trish came into the room then, looking around at all the posters.

"I love them, Arson!" Dante gave her a mean glare to persuade her to correct her thinking. "I mean…you're a disgrace Arson!" Dante nodded at the comment.

"Yeah you don't want to grow up to be a strawberry paedophile do you?" Trish looked at him questioningly, and he thought for a moment. "I've got to break him out of this obsession!"

"What?" Arson asked, his head cocked to one side. Dante put both hands on his hips, looking very serious.

"Don't you know that only bad people love strawberries? Criminals and villains and stuff?" Arson stared at him, his eyes wide with shock.

"….No……"

"Well…you do now."

Arson immediately started tearing down his posters, causing a happy and satisfied smirk to cross Dante's face.

"Um…Dante?" Trish said, gaining Dante's attention.

"Yes Trish?"

"Look…" She then held up a wolf, causing a curious look to cross Dante's face.

"Bolverk?" He asked, looking over at Arson questioningly. Arson grinned and nodded stupidly.

"Yeah! This old geezer with no skin gave me one of his puppies!"

"That's a wolf!" Dante corrected.

"No! A puppy!" the boy argued. "Here boy!" He called, but the wolf only growled, then bit Dante in the nuts. Trish shuddered as this happened, grimacing.

"Owwwww…"

"BAD BOY!" Arson scolded, and the wolf ran out of the house, yelping with its tail between it's legs. Trish looked over at Dante, somewhat concerned.

"Um…Dante?"

"Yes?" Dante replied painfully, his voice high pitched and squeaky, his eyes watering.

"I think I know someone who can look after Arson for the night."

"Who?"

"Lucia!"

"You've got to be kidding me!" Dante yelled, his voice returning to normal now.

"Noooooooooo…"

"How d'you expect her to come all the way from France?" Dante argued.

"She could fly!"

"By the time she gets here, it would be Christmas."

"It's November right now." Trish stated, and Dante looked over at the calendar that had been stuck on May 2001 for the past two years.

"…Oh."

"But I want to go out now!" Trish whined. "We'll need to find someone else."

And so, the hunt began as Dante started ringing up random houses, asking whether anyone could baby sit. Trish came up to him after some time, leaning on the desk some.

"Any luck?" She asked, just as Dante rang up the second millionth house.

"Hello?" Someone answered.

"Hi!" Dante greeted.

"Hello."

Both Dante and the person on the other side were silent for some time, before finally the person spoke again.

"…If you're trying to sell windows you're not doing a good job."

"Need a job?" Dante asked.

"Uh…no. Who is this?"

"I'm Dante!" Dante said, smirking and sounding quite proud.

"Wow! Same here!" Dante frowned at their sarcasm.

"NO! THERE'S ONLY ONE DANTE AND THAT'S ME! ME I TELL YOU! ME!"

"Uh yeah sure whatever."

"Are you about to hang up?"

"YES!" They snapped.

"Why?" Dante could hear them growling and muttering curses on the other side.

"1-because you're annoying me. 2-I don't need a job." The person began. An hour passed before they got to their last reason. "And 32-You're wasting my time!"

"But you've just wasted more of your own time by telling me all those reasons!"

The person growled in agitation and Dante could just imagine them pulling their hair out. "ARGH! PISS OFF ALREADY!"

"Okay…"

"No wait hang on a sec." The person stopped him, just as he was about to take the receiver from his ear. "I know someone who'll take the job."

"Great!"

LATER

The doorbell rang, and Dante slammed into the door. "OW!" Trish opened the door with Dante still pasted to it, smiling at the person standing there.

"Hello!"

"Hi."

"You must be the babysitter."

"Yeah."

"What's your name?" Trish asked.

"Belldandy-sama! But all my friends just call me Belle." The girl said with a bow.

"Okay, Belle."

Belle narrowed her eyes at Trish. "Are you my friend?"

"Uh…no?"

"Don't call me Belle then."

"Oh. Fine." Trish agreed.

"Where is this kid then?" Belle asked, looking around the room. Arson came bounding down the, a huge grin plastered across his face.

"Hi!" Belle stared at him with huge wide eyes as he ran up to her, making cute faces.

"HELLO!"

"B-b-but…" Belle stuttered as Trish grabbed Arson by the hair and pinned him down with a headlock. The boy screamed as she did so, and Belle continued to stare.

"I know…he's so sweet isn't he?" Trish said, still holding Arson.

"Not the word I was looking for but yeah I guess." Belle agreed, winking. Just then, Dante emerged from the doorway and handed Belle a list.

"Here's the contact numbers." Belle began to look the list over.

"Ambulance? Fire Department? The Police?"

"Yep that's about it."

"What if I need to contact you guys though?"

"Um…"

"What if I have to ask you advice if your uh…child doesn't want to go to bed?"

"Uh…"

"And what about food?"

"No strawberries." Dante warned.

"Wha-?" Before Belle could even get the question out all the way, Dante went running out of the house with Trish, leaving her alone with Arson.

One minute later, Dante put his arms out and yelled. "I'M FREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!"

Belle looked over at Arson. "So uh…what do you want to do?"

"Um…let's go play with my toys!" Arson suggested happily.

"Okay." Belle agreed with a shrug.

"Gran'pa got me lots and lots of toys!" Arson explained gleefully, running into his room. Belle followed, looking rather uninterested.

"Oh really?" Belle asked in a bored tone. Arson obviously didn't notice her tone.

"Yeah! Look!" He yelled, dumping a basket out on the floor, sending toys spilling out onto the floor. However, they weren't usual "toys." Belle stared wide eyed at the pile of disturbing sex toys.

"….um…"

"I don't know how to play with them though." Arson admitted.

"I should hope not. Bloody employers leaving me in a damned house with a 17 year old who has sex toys!" Belle complained.

Arson looked up at Belle with a puzzled look. "What's sex?" Belle gave him a grimaced look, but Arson only stared up at her with an innocent puppy eyed look. Belle couldn't stand it.

"GAH!"

"I'm hungry…" Arson said out of the blue. Belle sighed and massaged her temples.

"Go make yourself something then."

"Okay."

As Arson headed into the kitchen, Belle headed downstairs. She sat down on the couch and started up her laptop, making codes for sites and other complicated stuff. She flinched as she heard the sounds of explosions happening in the kitchen. Belle looked of toward the kitchen.

"Hey kid, what's your name?" She asked.

"Arson!" Belle's eyes widened as she heard the name and ran into the kitchen, being greeted by seeing smoke everywhere. Arson just stood in the centre or the kitchen, looking quite pleased with himself.

After only a minute, a fire truck was sent out to extinguish the flames. After they left, Belle tied Arson up to a chair and started working again. Arson just sat there, looking pouty.

Belle looked over at the miserable looking youth and sighed. "Don't do that." Arson only pouted harder, causing Belle to roll her eyes.

"Do you like Pokemon?" Arson suddenly asked.

"Yeah…"

"Do you like Yu-gi-oh?" Belle began to perk up as he asked.

"Yes!"

"I hate Ryou." Belle began to fume, grabbing Arson by the neck.

"HOW CAN YOU HATE HIM HE'S SUCH AN ANGEL!" She roared, then began to coo about Ryou and about how sweet he was. After a moment, the doorbell rang, and Belle released Arson, going over and opening the door. Rayne was standing there, grinning.

"Hi, Hot Mama!" He greeted, starting to ogle Belle.

"If my brother finds out he'll kill you." Belle warned coolly.

"Really?" Belle nodded to him. "Okay then." He stopped checking her out.

"Hi Rayne!" Arson welcomed, smiling cutely. He was still tied to the chair, and Rayne raised his eyebrows.

"It's not what you think." Belle explained. Rayne frowned.

"Damn!" Belle stared at him, her eyes wide, until Arson caught Rayne's attention again.

"You wanna play Pokemon?"

"Sure!" Rayne agreed, untying him. Belle sighed with relief.

"Okay then…if you two play Pokemon while I work, I'll be able to get more done."

"You've never played Pokemon before have you?" Rayne asked as Arson stood from the chair. Belle frowned at him.

"Sure I have. I've got Pokemon Silver at home!"

"No I mean, you haven't played our version have you?" Belle looked at them both cautiously.

"Uh…no…" Rayne grinned at her and pointed dramatically at Belle.

"GO…ARSON!" Arson got down onto his hands and knees.

"ARSE! ARSE!

Belle started at this odd act for a moment. "Oookay? Well…your Arson won't stand a chance against my…Neoberus!"

"Oh crap…what's a Neoberus?" Rayne asked, looking at Belle confusedly.

"He's the best OC character in the world!" Belle explained happily, hugging Neoberus, who had just appeared at her side. Arson looked at it and smiled wide.

"OOOOOOH! PUPPY!"

"He didn't just call me what I think he did, did he?" Neoberus asked, blinking up at Belle.

"Yep!"

"NOW HE'LL DIE!" Neoberus snarled. Arson just grabbed and hugged him hard.

"Oh you are a cute little puppy! I love you! You're so cute!" Arson cooed and gushed.

"ARSON! USE YOUR TACKLE ATTACK!" Rayne commanded. Arson jumped back from Neoberus a few feet.

"ARSE ARSE!" Arson then ran pell mell at Neoberus, slamming into him and damaging him for 1 Hp. Neoberus stood there with a puzzled look on his face, seeming to be unfazed by the attack.

"Why'd he do that?"

"Well…that's meant to be an attack." Belle explained. Neoberus began to laugh his head off, causing Rayne to gasp.

"OHNO! HE USED SUPERSONIC WAVE!"

"Arson is confused! He hurt himself in his confusion!" Arson smacked himself, knocking 20 Hp from himself. Neoberus stared at him for a moment.

"…Wha?"

Belle pointed at Arson happily. "Neoberus! Use your bite attack!" She commanded.

"You've got to be kidding me!" Neoberus refused, looking at Belle. "You expect me to bite that thing?"

"You're right…it is a little degrading." Belle agreed. "Okay forget that! Quick attack!" Neoberus charged at Arson as he was ordered, taking 20 Hp from him.

"Arson! Flamethrower attack!" As Rayne commanded, Arson created up a flame, chunking it at Neoberus.

"ARGH! HE SINGED MY FUR!" Neoberus yelled, his fur flaming. 60 Hp was knocked off of him, and he was burned.

"ARSE! ARSON! ARSE!"

"Neoberus is hurt by the burn!" And 10 Hp was knocked off. Belle quickly used some white magic to heal Neoberus of his wounds and burns.

"You can't use white magic! That's in Final Fantasy!" Arson argued. Belle just grinned at him, pointing toward him.

"FINISH HIM OFF, NEO! PSYCHIC!"

70 Hp was knocked off of Arson. 'Arson has fainted!' "Arrrrrrson…."

"YAY! I WON NEOBERUS I WON!" Belle yelled happily in triumph.

"Not so fast!" Rayne spat, looking down at Arson, who had used a golden orb. He stood back up and smiled.

"But that's from Devil May Cry 2!" Belle argued.

"We know." Rayne gave her a smug grin. "FLAMETHROWER ATTACK!"

With the attack, Neoberus fainted. Rayne then looked to Arson. "Look! My Arson is evolving!" There was a stupid annoying music, and then Arson turned devil trigger. "My Arson evolved into Arse-off!"

"Look at me! I'm a lamp post!"

Belle kneeled down next to Neoberus, patting him. "Great acting, Neo! They would have lost anyway so we might as well let them win once!"

"Oh you are so kind." Neoberus grumbled sarcastically, giving her a mean look. Belle just smiled at her.

LATER

"Who wants dessert?" Belle asked after dinner. Arson raised his hands up, waving them around gleefully.

"MEMEME!"

Belle shoved ice cream into his mouth, then watched as Arson came out in blisters. "Wha-?"

"He's allergic to ice cream." Rayne explained. Belle stared in wide eyed terror for a moment.

"Uh-oh!"

Rayne said nothing, but instead kicked Arson, and the boy magically returned to normal. Belle sighed, shaking her head.

"Weird family…" Belle muttered to herself.

LATER

Belle handed Arson a Yu-Gi-Oh action figure, and Arson held it, staring at it curiously.

"What's this?"

"A toy. A real one." Belle explained dryly.

"These look nothing like the toys Gran'pa gave me." Belle shuddered at the thought.

"Why did he give you toys anyway?"

"The psychiatrist told him to give me some." Arson explained.

"Oh…okay then…" She nodded, but then shuddered some more.

"Can I show you something?" Arson asked after a few minutes. Belle shrugged. What could he possibly do?

"Okay then." She watched as he left the room, dragging back a vacuum cleaner. She stared at him in curiosity, then blinked as he climbed onto the vacuum cleaner and flew off. "Now that is just plain weird."

Rayne watched as he flew off, shaking his head. "Last time he did that he came back with an alien."

"Puuuuuu?" A chao peeped out of nowhere. Belle growled, on the verge of pulling her hair out.

"That was a nice evening." Dante said as he and Trish neared the house after their night out.

"Yep!" Trish agreed happily.

"Even if you did smash a fish tank in the restaurant." Trish rubbed the back of her neck, sweating lightly. "And even if you did scream and kill a demon with a chopstick."

"……Eheh." Trish laughed nervously.

"And even if you told the waiter that he looked like a hooker." Trish said nothing of that. "And…"

"STOPPIT!" Trish did not want to hear anymore about all her screw ups that night. Just as they came up to the door, Belle came outside, grabbing Trish's purse and yanking all the money out. She then began to storm off angrily.

"NEVER AGAIN!" She yelled. Neoberus stalked out along behind her.

"I'M NOT A PUPPY!" He growled, torching the house down. As they both disappeared from sight, Dante sighed, sagging some.

"Looks like it's time to move again."

"Oh yes…" Trish agreed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6-Bounty Hunters and Body Switches**

'Auntie Trishie! Auntie Trishie!' Arson giddily called for his "aunt" and decided to roll down the stairs but ended up landing on his head. Trish looked up at him and growled savagely, looking pissed to say the least. 'What?' She growled again at him. Oblivious, Arson grinned at her. 'Lookee me!' He did a headstand, looking pleased with himself. Trish glared at him again, rolling her eyes.

'Wonderful…' she said in a way that sounded as though she didn't mean it. She ate a bit of chocolate and looked depressed. Arson toddled up to Dante and blinked at him cutely.

'Gran'pa? What's wrong with Auntie Trishie?' Dante looked at Trish and then back at Arson and then blushed slightly.

'Um…go look in your Biology textbook.' Arson blinked again.

'What's a textbook?' Dante groaned and slapped his forehead.

'Never mind.' He sighed. Arson looked at Trish again and frowned.

'So what's wrong with her?'

Dante decided to tell him outright. 'She's got PMS' Arson blinked again and grinned idiotically.

'What's that?'

'Um…Prehistoric Mother Syndrome. I think.' Trish heard this and snarled and growled and randomly chucked a cushion at Dante. Dante quickly dodged it, frowning.

'It's very dangerous and catching and you mustn't go near her.' Dante told Arson. Arson looked confused.

'Why not?'

'Do you want to be eaten?' Arson took a while to think about this.

'…um…no?'

'Exactly.' Arson made a squeaky noise and hid behind Dante and peeped out at Trish, as though he was terrified. Dante got annoyed but was suddenly hit with an amazing idea. He grinned smugly and kicked Arson over to Trish.

'Go ask her for a Piggie Back and see what happens'

Arson grinned and promptly forgot the warning. 'Okay!' he yelled giddily. He toddled up to Trish. Trish growled at him angrily. Arson gave her his best Chibi grin, regardless.

'Auntie Trishie? Can I have a piggie back?'

That was too much for Trish. She got up from the couch and snarled and chased him around the house, growling. Arson screamed and bawled as he tried to run away.

'ARGH! GRAN'PA HELP ME! SHE'S GOING TO TURN ME INTO A PREHISTORIC MOTHER!'

Dante, unsurprisingly, couldn't be arsed to. He just stood there laughing. Trish got further pissed off at this and grabbed Arson but accidentally knocked their heads together, knocking them both out. Dante looked at them both and then grinned happily.

'Cool…' He walked off to eat ice cream.

OUTSIDE

Dante had finally found an ice cream van and got his ice cream. 'Thanks.' He ripped off the wrapper and started slurping away at it happily, being a bad influence for other kids, who started doing the same, despite their mothers yelling at them for looking rude.

'You have to pay me first.' Said the ice Cream man to Dante, as though he were a naughty kid.

Dante grinned and gave him 200 red orbs. The ice cream man looked at him as though he were deranged but kept the orbs all the same.

'In dollars' he said firmly. Dante looked stunned, as though he'd never heard of the word before.

'Doll-arrrrrrrrs?' he said stupidly.

'Yes!' said the man.

Dante looked around shiftily, completely broke. 'Um…uh…okay…' he stammered.

The Ice cream man waited patiently. Dante made a great show of patting his coat pocket for his wallet before he punched out the ice cream man and made a run for it. A random OC from a different fic called Darkness Falling (shameless plug) popped up out of nowhere.

'I saw that, demon! Now you will die!' she bellowed.

Dante had no other option but to run even faster, with the irate angel on his ass.

'HIYAAAAAAA HEEEEE-YAAAAAH!' She screamed randomly. Dante looked over his shoulder to see Dawn practising karate chops as she ran after him.

'Why are you chasing me?' yelled Dante.

'There's a reward on your head!' Dawn yelled back.

'Says who?'

'The Great High Maester Seymour!' Dante blinked and then groaned at that.

'That idiot? Hasn't he filed his nails yet? Hasn't he removed the nail varnish yet?'

'Um…I don't know. Now stand still so I can kill you.' Dawn frowned at him.

Dante suddenly did as she asked and stood still. Dawn ran past him and then stopped too, and slapped her forehead.

'You're not meant to actually obey.' She scolded. Dante shot her his best "little boy" look.

'Well I was always a good little boy.' A random puppet popped out of nowhere.

'You never lied?' Dante stared at it before he screamed.

'ARGH! A PUPPET!' He killed Pinocchio with one hit, causing an old man to jump out of a bush (where he had probably been peeing or communing with nature's little creatures…we don't want to know…)

'NOOOOOOOOOOO!' The pervy old man yelled.

'Ah ha!' Dante pointed at him theatrically. 'You work for Mundus don't you?'

'My son!' yelled Gipetto. He grabbed little bits and pieces of Pinocchio and ran off crying. Dawn frowned and then turned to Dante and prodded him sharply in the side.

'You should really start running again. Now start running, you!' Dante blinked at her stupidly, forgetting why she was there.

'Um…okay…but why?' Dawn narrowed her eyes at him.

'Because I want to kill you' Dante grinned, remembering.

'Oh yeah!' He started to run again, realized Dawn was a girl and suddenly got another brilliant idea. Dawn continued to chase Dante, even past several stores. She stared into the shop windows as she ran, and was tempted to go in one or two of them, especially the ones which were having sales! She started to chant. 'MUST…RESIST…TEMPTATION…MUST….RESIST!'

'Damned angel!' Dante yelled.

Dawn chased him some more but suddenly tripped and fell into a fountain. Dante decided to point and laugh, because…well...he can.

'HA HA!' He ran back home eating his half melted ice cream, licking his lips with satisfaction afterwards. 'Yummmmmmm' He opened the door and was promptly greeted with a sound like a drowning cat

'OWWWWWWWW!' screamed Trish. 'MY STOMACH! OWWWWWW OWWWWWW!' Dante raised an eyebrow and frowned.

'Trish? You never make that much noise.' Arson looked towards Trish with disgust.

'I know I don't. It's just that he's a wimp.'

'OWWWWW! AUNTIE TRISHIE! OWWWWWWW!' screamed Trish. Dante frowned. Did Trish just say "Auntie Trishie"? Dante decided that something was very very wrong.

'What's going on?' He asked cautiously.

'Well…um…you know when we hit heads?' Arson began sheepishly.

'Ye-es?'

'We switched bodies.' Dante frowned at Arson and looked at Trish, who was still screaming random crap no lady with PMS ever says.

'ARGH! THE PAIN THE PAIN! MOOOOOOOOOO! THE PAIN!'

Dante frowned and raised an eyebrow, wondering why the hell Trish mooed. 'Are you a cow?' He asked.

'No I'm a goatling.' Trish explained happily, forgetting her pain for the minute. Dante groaned.

Arson was busy, looking through the toys Dante had bought for him with wide eyes. Dante thought he should explain quickly before Arson got the wrong idea.

'The doctor told me to buy those.' Arson's eyes went even wider and he simply stared at him.

'I see…' Dante glared.

'Yeah…that means you're not blind.' He said with his lame comeback. Arson gave him withering glance, Dante was about to say something else when Trish suddenly jumped on his back, screeching.

'PIGGEE BACK! NOW NOW NOW NOW!' she demanded. Arson stared at her in outrage.

'What unlady like behaviour!' Dante looked towards him.

'You should know…you never act like a lady.' Arson stared at him as though he'd been slapped on the face.

'What?' He said angrily.

'You act like a slut most of the time!' Dante yelled. Arson gave a little squeak of anger and slapped him and kicked him in the shins. Dante whined and rubbed his leg. (HIS OWN LEG!)

'You still hit like a girl!' He bellowed. Arson's eyes flared crimson, and he picked up a toaster and threw it at Dante's head.

LATER

Dante was stomping around town with Trish on his back, a toaster still hanging off his nose. He blinked and then groaned. 'Aw hell no!'

Dawn was walking towards them. 50 cents from the fountain falls out from her skirt. Trish stared at her in awe.

'Oooooooooh! Let me try that!' She shook about but no money fell out. Dante glared at her.

'Stop that, Arson!' Trish pouted and looked pissy.

'I WANT MONEY AND I WANT IT NOW!'

A Random Geezer walked up to Trish and grabbed her before walking off. Dante frowned and watched them go.

'Um…' He frowned again and rubbed at the back of his head. 'Dawn, I kind of don't have the time right now to play tag.' Dawn knew what he meant and hit the hoe-lover with a tranquilizer gun. The geezer got knocked out instantly. Dante grinned at Dawn.

'Thanks you saved my grandson!'

'…' said Dawn, confused. Dante kept smiling happily. '…um….Dante? Trish is a girl. She can't be your grandson.'

'Sure she is! Watch.' Dante passed Trish a strawberry. Trish stared at it and then started screaming.

'NO! I DON'T WANNA BE A PEE FILE!' she screeched. Dawn blinked.

'A what?'

'A paedophile…' Dante explained.

Dawn blinked again. 'I should hope she doesn't want to become one.' Trish looked towards Dawn and grinned happily.

'I fancy you.' She said. She started pulling cute faces at her. Dawn looked shell shocked. Trish giggled and clapped her hands together with glee, looking happy. Dante looked towards Dawn.

'See? He's my grandson' Dawn looked even more confused.

'BUT SHE'S A GIRL DAMMIT!' she bellowed.

'Do I really have to prove myself again?' snarled Dante, forcing Trish to eat a strawberry.

Dawn: (sweatdrops again)

Dante: (forces Trish to eat a strawberry)

Trish pulled a cute face happily. 'Mmmmmmm…strawbees……MWAH HA HA HA HA HA! I'M A LAMP POST! YOU'RE A GODSEND! I'M SONIC THE HEDGEHOG! YOU FAKER!' She ran around acting like the Hulk before she hit Dawn hardly in the face.

'Thanks Arson.' Said Dante solemnly.

'WHEEEEE HEEEEEEE HEEEEEEE EHEEEEEEE!' Trish screamed giddily. Dante had a sudden thought.

'How's your stomach?'

'I'M A PREHISTORIC MOTHER!' she cried proudly. Several people turned to look at her and frowned. Dante struggled to try and keep a straight face.

'That's very nice Trish now let's go and do a little shopping…' He started to growl and mutter. 'Damn womanly needs…'

Trish suddenly saw something interesting and grabbed it. It was a frilly pink bra. 'What's this?' she said in a dumb voice.

Dante gave it one look before turning red.

Trish happily stuck it on her head. 'SEE? HAT!'

'That's not a hat,' said Dante weakly, looking as though he was about to faint.

'Is it a catapult?' she asked innocently.

'Uh…no!'

'A sling?'

'NO!'

'So what is it?'

'It's uh…something you wear…'

'Show me.'

'NO WAY!' Trish's bottom lip trembled, and her eyes welled up with tears as she began to cry. Dante turned flaming red as people stared at the fully grown black leather wearing lady.

'Fine…fine…' He grumbled, putting the bra on over his own clothes. 'That's how you wear it, Arson.'

Chasm walked past the shop window at that moment and saw Dante wearing a bra. 'OH MY GOD!' He stared for a little while longer before he fainted. Trish looked at Dante thoughtfully before she came to a decision.

'I like to wear it this way better.' And with that, she put it back on her head. Dante turned his coat collar all the way up and stared around.

'I hope no one saw me do that…' Chasm leapt to his feet and roared.

'YOUNG MAN! GET TO MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW!'

'Nooooooooo!' Dante quickly ran off with Trish before he was given any more medication. Trish didn't seem to bothered and grabbed random clothes from stores as they ran past. Dante glared at her.

'Stop that!'

Trish suddenly stopped running and turned around before kissing Chasm. 'Here have a hat!' she yelled cheerfully before putting a bra on Chasm's head and dancing around him.

Chasm, understandably, fainted out of embarrassment. Trish continued to dance and sing.

'TINKLE TINKLE LITTLE STAR!' she sang. Dante stared at her.

'It's TWINKLE, Arson!'

'My version's better!' She danced a little more as the two walked along but she stopped when she suddenly saw a random strawberry fair. 'Yummmmmm'

Dante grabbed her quickly and dragged her back home, looking pissed off.

Arson was busy doing the vacuuming and cooking and had a feather duster in his hands and an apron tied over his clothes. Dante came in and stared at the place in shock. Possibly because it had never been clean, or because Arson was looking even more of a sissy than usual.

Trish came in after him, wearing stupid clothing, a glove over each ear, a bra on her head and a G-string over her face. 'I'M THE MASKED AVENGER!'

'So that's what you've been up to?' asked Arson, raising an eyebrow. Dante looked sheepish.

'He made me wear a bra!' Arson started cackling evilly. Trish gasped and suddenly went bananas as she heard the doorbell ring. She ran towards it, barking like a dog.

'WUF WUF WUF WUF!' Arson's eyes widened as he stared at her.

'People have called me a bitch before but that's going a bit too far!' Trish giggled and clapped wildly before flinging open the door.

'I have to kill you!' Dawn aimed her shotgun at Trish again. Trish danced around excitedly before headbutting Dawn on the head and knocking them both out. Dante stared at them both, wide-eyed.

'Well…' he said, trying to look on the bright side. 'At least she can't be much more of a bounty hunter…'

Dawn woke up first and grinned insanely before lifting up her skirt and shaking about. 'Look! Another 20 cents!' Trish woke up and promptly began to wail and sob. Dawn didn't look upset in the least. 'What can I buy with 20 cents? I'm a millionaire!'

'If I hadn't been knocked into the fountain I wouldn't have got all those coins in my clothes!' Trish shouted, looking livid.

Dawn suddenly grinned and flew out through the roof, breaking a hole through it. Dante decided to try his new skill of being an optimist.

'At least we've got a skylight now.' At that point, it started to rain. Trish glowered at him.

'You just had to say it didn't you?' Arson whimpered as he got blisters on his face and hid under the bed.

MEANWHILE

Dawn flew around and suddenly landed on a bouncy castle. She bounced up and down happily for a few minutes, screaming. 'WHEEEE WHEEEEE WHEEEEEE!' It was only then that she saw what the shape of the castle was. 'A STRAWBERRY!' Happily, she bit the bouncy castle and screamed as it popped, blowing her away, far away, where teletubbies go and play!

'Dawn! You're late!' yelled a random voice. It was probably the sun from the Teletubbie show. Funny…she had never expected it to have such a deep male voice. 'Come back up here right now!'

Dawn went and looked around, seeing the crappy grass, and the crappy sky, with clouds in it. 'Marshmallows!' She ran about drooling and screaming every so often about marshmallows and how lovely and soft and tasty and chewy and…

'Stop being stupid!' yelled the angry manly little baby boy again. Dawn looked around and grinned, reaching a decision.

'This place needs redecorating!' She got out a random pink paintpot and started to paint over everything.

'NOOOOOOOOOO!' bawled the random voice.

By the time Dawn was finished, everything was painted strawberry pink.

Dawn grinned and twirled around. 'PWETTY!' The next instant, she got kicked out and ended up in a strawberry field. She got up and looked around.

'…Pee files…' She shuddered and walked off but suddenly got hit by a tranquilizer. 'BAH BAH SHEE BOO GOO LAH LAH!' She danced and twirled around before fainting.

'MWAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!' Trish cackled maniacally.

'You do realize you can't kill him don't you?' Dante cut in.

'Why not?'

'He's in your body for one thing.'

'…crap!' Trish slapped Dawn around the head, probably knocking her out more than anything else. 'She isn't waking up.'

'Here let me try!' Dante got out strawberry smelling salts and waved them under Dawn's nose.

'Mmmmmmm…strawberries!' Dawn started cooing and pulling happy faces as she woke up.

Trish had had enough and slammed her head against Dawn's, knocking each other out again. Trish was the first to wake up, and it was obvious who was back in control of her body.

'MY HAT'S GONE! GIVE ME MY 20 CENTS BACK, GOATLING!' Trish yelled suddenly.

Dawn ran off quickly before she got pummelled again.

Trish sat down heavily. '…'

'Arson?'

Trish snivelled.

'Arson?'

Trish simply continued to cry.

'I'll give you a piggie back!'

Trish suddenly stopped crying and leapt on Dante's back and put a bra on over his clothes. Dante paused and then sighed and walked back home, still wearing a bra.

MEANWHILE

Chasm was at a psychiatrist's office. 'It was terrible, I tell you. Absolutely terrible.' He groaned.

'Really?' Vampy looked sceptical.

'Yes!' Chasm nodded sincerely.

'Start from the beginning.' Vampy commanded.

'It all started with a silver haired guy in a red coat. He was wearing a bra!'

'I think I've heard enough. Take him away!' yelled Vampy.

'I SAW IT WITH MY OWN NINETY NINE EYES!' He screamed as he got dragged off.

Vampy raised her eyebrows. 'I can only see two.'

'That's because your crazy!' Chasm yelled hysterically before giving a random crazed cackle.

Vampy shook her head and sighed. 'Men…'


	7. Chapter 7

_Right, so I've already passed this mark before. I'd just like to say that at this point I have about twenty chapters that are finished so far. I need to do the rest of them. This is obviously going to take some time so all I can say is thank you all so much for giving me the support and giving me the time and not flaming me too badly or anything._

_I'm really really sorry about the new format but what can you do?_

**Chapter 7-Barbeques and Birthday wishes**

Demons. They do some very human things at times. Especially if they happen to be half human anyway. Take today for example. Everyone is at Dante's house in the backyard, talking, eating and basically trying to stop Arson and Burry from burning the hedges in the area. The reason why? It's Dante's birthday.

That's right. Dante's birthday.

'Gran'pa?' Arson asked innocently, blinking his eyes endearingly. 'How old are you?'

Dante was silent.

'Yeah how old are you?' Trish asked. Dante glared at her but said nothing. Burry suddenly jumped out of nowhere, waving her zippo around.

'ZIPPO!' she yowled.

Everyone glared at her quickly, angry that they had been distracted. Burry looked around sheepishly before waving her zippo around some more. Nevertheless, she had succeeded in bringing the attention to herself.

'Why do you call yourself Burryk?' Arson asked, bouncing around, ready to annoy like the weapon of destruction he is.

'Maybe because Burry likes being called that.' Busta grumbled angrily, trying to act sensible, a pointless endeavor.

'Maybe.' Kikoken murmured her agreement.

Zelly suddenly remembered the subject of their previous discussion and gleefully pounced on Dante again. 'Who cares how old you are? You're mine!' she cackled wildly.

Dante sighed and looked miserable. Zelly appeared not to notice, or care and picked him up using the strength that only the mighty Dante fangirls possess. Because everyone knows that Dante fangirls are special. Arson suddenly pouted and looked moody.

'I'm bored,' he whined. Burry looked towards him and grinned fiendishly.

'Well I've got someone who could be a friend of yours!'

'Yeah same!' Vampy cried.

Chasm glared at Vampy with his two eyes.

Vampy glared at Chasm with her two eyes. Arson looked between the two crazy shrinks and pouted.

'I want friends!' he bawled. Belle frowned slightly.

'Well isn't Rayne your friend?'

Rayne was busy. Hitting on someone. At the mention of his name, he looked up, slightly panicked. 'Me? Uh…YEAH SURE I AM!' He laughed nervously before looking around edgily before turning back to his prey. 'So baby, when should I pick you up, huh?'

This was too much for Dawn, who promptly got up, screamed at him wildly before hitting him. The girl Rayne was hitting on suddenly got up and hit on Dawn. Literally. By kicking her in the shins. Rayne groaned, seeing nothing but trouble.

'No Lizz! No!' he yelled. Lizz grabbed Dawn by the hair in response and tossed her into the swimming pool.

'OOOOH FUN!' Arson yelled excitedly before jumping in. Sadly, he started to drown. Everyone looked towards his owner and frowned, but Busta was completely oblivious. She should never have been given a hot dog. It's her weakness.

'Shouldn't you help him?' Kikoken asked, raising an eyebrow. Busta finished her hot dog and looked confused.

'Help who?'

'My boyfriend's grandson…' Zelly said. She turned around to Dante before cooing at him and fluttering her eyes at him endearingly. Trish looked pissed off, and glared at Zelly angrily.

'Your boyfriend? YOUR boyfriend?' She snarled.

'Arson's new friend will save him.' Burry grinned happily. She twirled around, did a dance before clicking her fingers twice and giving everyone the bird. This complicated summon summoned Dyne, her OC. Dyne looked around before grabbing Arson and hauling him out of the swimming pool. Arson didn't appear to be too upset as he danced around and made random noises.

'BLAH BLAH BLOO MOO GRWAPPA INKA!'

Dyne looked worried before quirking his eyebrows. 'Okay?' Burry continued to dance like Yuna, bringing forth another summon, OC, thing; Tye, Dyne's brother.

'He worries me…' Tye muttered.

Arson looked up at him before kissing him happily.

'GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!' Tye screamed loudly before jumping into the pool. Dyne stared towards Arson before whimpering and backing away slowly. Arson blinked at him several times before he got a bright idea. Singing.

'I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts! Deedlee deedlee! There they are all standing in a rooooooooow!' he sang. This was too much for Dyne's mind.

'DADDY!' he screamed before grabbing Dante, who continued to look miserable.

Arson was thinking hard about the matter at hand. Which spelt trouble. 'If he's your Daddy then that must mean you're MY Daddy!' he squealed at Dyne, running after him. Dyne screamed and ran away as Arson continued to chase him. 'DADDY! DADDY!' he yelled happily, with a huge grin on his face.

Dante stared at them as they ran around him as though he were some sort of totem pole.

'I'm confused.' Lizz grumbled, looking to Rayne.

'Oh.' Rayne said helpfully before trying to drag her into a bedroom.

Arson squealed before tackling Dyne finally. 'Hi Daddy! I'm your little boy, Arson! I'M YOUR SON!'

'DAAAAAAAAD! GET HIM OFF ME!'

Dante decided that now was as good a time as any to get up. He tried to shake Zelly off of his foot but failed miserably.

'Um…I have many clones,' he tried to explain.

Dyne raised his eyebrows. 'Meaning?'

'Your father is a clone of me.'

Arson, unsurprisingly, looked confused.

Dyne stared at Dante in shock.

Arson decided to kiss Dyne.

Dyne immediately fell into a state of paralysis.

Belle looked at Dyne's reaction with interest. 'What kind of special power is that?'

Busta looked sheepish. 'Um…I don't really know.'

Zelly cooed before kissing Dante on the cheek. 'Just as long as I don't have it. Trish continued to get angrier and angrier. Burry suddenly ran past everyone holding her zippo but accidentally burned off Chasm's hair. Chasm gave a huge roar before charging at Burry with all the grace of a hippo, missing her by a mile and head butting a tree.

'Curses!' he bawled. Arson blinked and frowned at Chasm.

'The Godsend never curses!' he proclaimed loudly.

'GET OFF ME YOU STINKING LITTLE MOTHER-' Dante growled, glaring at Zelly.

Arson gasped, his eyes welling up with tears, shocked.

Zelly gasped before getting up and kicking Dante in the shins. 'THAT'S IT! I'M GOING TO WRITE A NICE DANTE!'

A minute later, another Nice Dante appeared. 'Hello,' he smiled amicably.

'Hello!' yelled his sidekick, Ray, who promptly aimed a shotgun at the original grumpy Dante.

'FATHER!' screamed Dyne, running to Nice Dante for protection. Nice Dante was certainly nicer, but he wasn't COMPLETELY nice. As a result, he ended up looking miserable.

'See? Isn't he beautiful?' Zelly gushed, falling in love with both of the Dantes.

Kikoken frowned, looking at everyone. '……this is weird. I'm leaving.'

'Don't go yet! It's time for the cake!' yelled Busta.

Kikoken sighed and watched as Chasm and Vampy brought in the cake while muttering dire threats at each other. The cake was shaped like a skull.

'Ooooooh! How delightfully morbid!' Trish squealed excitedly.

Dante and Nice Dante looked confused. 'Wha-?'

'Never mind. Blow out the candles!' Trish squealed.

Dante immediately decided to faint from the heat of the candles.

'FIRE FIRE FIRE!' Arson suddenly screamed before cackling in a fit of hyperactivity. He stared around with a manic gleam in his eyes before grabbing a fistful of cake and hurling it at Burry, cackling all the while.

Burry growled and frowned before suddenly quoting from her favourite movie in the whole world. X-men 2. 'I can manipulate fire…but not create it…' And with that, she pushed Arson into the swimming pool again. Arson shrieked and growled before pointing at her.

'USGAL MOLTIVANA IS MY HUSBAND!'

Tye surfaced from the swimming pool, where he had been lying about like some mutated crocodile and stared at Arson in fear. 'Get away from me!'

Arson decided that now would be a good time to realize he was in water and drown.

Kikoken looked around at everyone, to see that they were unconcerned. 'I guess I'll save him…' she grumbled.

Nice Dante was at the barbeque, asking for a burger, when he suddenly fainted from the heat.

Busta blinked and looked around, puzzled. 'Why are the Dantes fainting from the heat?'

'One. Because they're old. Two. Because Arson lighted the fires of both the candles and the barbeques.' Rayne explained. Busta blinked before looking down at them and kicking Nice Dante. At that point, before she could do any further damage, Belle came wondering up to the Barbeque stand.

'I'd like a steak please!' she cried happily. Busta looked down at the griddle and frowned.

'How do you want it? Burnt? Charred? Or incinerated?'

'Um…raw?' Busta looked relieved by Belle's choice and tossed her a raw steak. Dante woke up at that point and groaned. Kikoken tried to cheer him up by cutting him a slice of cake with a single candle on it. 'Blow it out and make a wish!'

'PIGGIE!' Arson squealed, clamping down on Kikoken's back.

'I AM NOT A PIGGIE!' Kikoken snarled, slapping the snot out of him. Arson froze, looked up at her before his bottom lip began to tremble, his eyes welling up with tears. Before anyone could move, he had started to cry. Zelly, Vampy, Kikoken and Burry all melted at the sight of him. 'Awwwwwwwwww…isn't he so cute?' The girls all started to hug him and coo. Arson squealed happily before dancing about. Dante stared at the scene and grumbled.

'I wish I was little again' And with that, he blew out the candle and squealed like a girl as he started to shrink, the clothes becoming too big for him. 'What the-?' Busta and Belle turned around first and gasped, staring at him. Chasm saw what was happening and decided to draw his own conclusions.

'MADNESS I TELL YOU! IT'S ALL MADNESS! HE'S SHRINKING!' he bellowed, sounding like an elephant.

Dante the Chibi giggled and stared at everyone through huge blue chibified eyes. Arson stared at him in shock before kneeling down in front of him.

'Gran'pa!'

'Dad!' roared Dyne. Tye groaned.

'Oh Gawd not this again!'

Chasm saw the chaos and whimpered before trying to drown himself in a glass of punch. Vampy looked at him witheringly before rolling her eyes. 'You're crazy…'

'ARGH! ARGH! AAAAAAAAAAARGH!' Chasm screamed in response.

Arson suddenly felt as though something was missing. They had balloon, cake, party poppers, a barbeque…suddenly, he realized what it is. He squealed before whipping out a bra and putting it on his head. 'Look it's my party hat!'

Chasm saw the bra and gasped before fainting again.

Vampy suddenly had a thought. 'How did he escape from my farm anyway?'

Mundus appeared from nowhere, cackling like the evil demon in a stone statue he is.

Belle glared up at him fiercely while trying to force Dante into a pink frock. 'What the hell are you doing here?'

Mundus smiled happily. 'I was invited by my best friend.'

'You actually have friends?'

'HEYA UNCLE!' Arson bellowed, toddling up and grabbing Mundus' legs and makes cute faces.

Everyone turned to stare at Busta, searching for answers for Arson's weird behaviour. 'Um…' Busta saw a case of blueberries and pointed to them. Arson grinned at that point, his teeth and tongue were blue.

Chasm woke up at that point, saw Arson's blue teeth and bra and stcreamed before running through the fence. 'I BID THEE GOOD DAY! SARCASM IS LOST UPON ME! ROMEO WHERE ART THOU?'

Vampy grinned happily.

'Um…I think he's lost it.' Trish tried to point out.

Vampy looked towards her, thrilled. 'And so ends another psychiatrist's career…because of you. LESS COMPETITION FOR ME!'

Trish got out a chart and chalked up another line. 'Well now for our 97860th psychiatrist. Will you take the job?'

Hell no!'

'Is there a psychiatrist here?' Trish whimpered. Kikoken blinked before smiling.

'Oh my sister's husband's friend's uncle's cousin's daughter's best friend's iguana was a psychiatrist.'

Everyone stared at her in shock. Somewhere, crickets started chirping. Kikoken scowled at everyone.

'It's true!'

Trish continued to stare at her.

Zelly suddenly pointed and screamed. 'LOOK! THE CHIBI IS RUNNING LOOSE!'

Dante ran out of the backyard, climbed the fence and danced in the middle of the road hyperly in his little pink frock. 'YAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAYAY!' he yelled, obviously having the time of his life in a pink frock.

Trish gasped and pointed too. 'Ohno! A car's coming!' Arson suddenly struck a superhero pose.

'I know just what to do!' He ran out into the road swinging his bra over his head like a weapon and put it on properly before posing again. 'Look everyone! I'm Trish!'

The Car screeched to a halt and hit a nearby lamppost. Arson gasped and shrieked.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOO! Mr. Versalius!' he bawled, running over to the lamppost.

Dante promptly got tired and did what nearly all kids do. Sat down and picked his nose.

Busta looked towards Zelly, asking her to do something about the Chibi. Zelly shuddered. 'Euw…' She decided to ignore the Chibi and went back to hugging the Nice Dante.

Arson continued hugging the lamppost. Trish shuddered.

'That's just sick.'

Arson started to cry. 'He's mortally wounded, Trish! Mr. Versalius is going to die!'

Trish sighed before folding her arms. 'It's an inanimate object.'

Arson stopped crying, distracted by a long word. 'Wha-?'

'…never mind…'

Dante suddenly got up again and tugged Zelly's leg with his snotty hands.

Zelly scowled before kicking the chibi to the other side of the garden.

Kikoken picked up the chibi and held him at arm's length. 'What is it?'

Dante's face crumpled up slightly and turned red. 'I have to go potty!'

'So go!'

Dante grinned happily. 'Okay!' He squealed as he wet himself.

Kikoken gasped before getting mad and dropping him roughly. 'YOU BRAT!'

Tye smiled placidly. 'I'm glad I don't have a kid.'

Burry snickered before crawling up to him. 'Don't worry…I have plans for you.' She whispered in his ear before cackling.

Tye was struck dumb with fear. So was Dyne.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!' roared Tye.

'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO' Dyne yelled. Tye stopped yelling and turned to glare at him.

'Why are _you_ screaming?'

'Because if there's another stupid person like you around in several years time I will die.'

Tye smacked him hard and pouted.

Dyne glared at him in shock and bitch slapped him in return.

Tye started to pull Dyne's hair roughly. Dyne roared and did the same, grumbling and hissing.

'OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOW!' Tye yelped. Dyne suddenly let go and ran off.

'OOOOOH! DOUGHNUTS!'

Tye punched the air and did a victory dance. 'HAH! I won!'

Busta was quick to destroy his ego. 'Um…no…you just got yourself in a catfight.'

Tye growled and slapped her. Busta hissed with anger before kicking him in the nuts.

Arson squeaked suddenly. 'LOOK! MY GRAN'PA'S RUNNING WILD!'

Belle was eating a burger. She suddenly got a crazed look in her eyes. 'Wild? Go Neoberus!'

'Aw shucks…' her "Pokemon" grumbled.

Belle pointed at Dante. 'Use your tackle attack!'

Neo sighed before walking up to Dante and sniffing him over. 'Okay.' And with that, he tapped him lightly with a paw.

Dante started to bawl and shatter glass. Belle squealed before chucking a Pokeball at him. Dante squeaked and growled before wriggling around inside the Pokeball.

'He's trying to escape!' yelled Neo.

'MOMMY!' screamed Dante from inside the ball.

Trish suddenly turned all motherly and picked up the Pokeball.

Arson grinned before grabbing it off her and stuffing it in his mouth. 'YAY!'

Trish growled before smashing her fist into the back of his head.

Arson spat it out and pouted. 'I was hoping it's a cherry…'

Belle suddenly noticed that the ball had stopped moving. 'LOOK! I CAUGHT A NEW POKEMON!' She stole the ball from Trish and started running around happily. 'I'm gonna train it, and evolve it into a…a…Dent-head!'

'Not if my Arse-off can help it!' Rayne yelled before striking a pose.

Arson started eating blueberries and chuckling and giggling, looking ridiculous.

Busta groaned before slapping her forehead.

Zelly continued to hug her Nice Dante. 'Could you go save your chibi?'

Nice Dante stared down at her before looking shocked. 'But I'll have to hit her!'

'But you'd be saving someone.' Zelly smiled at him endearingly.

'But I'd hit someone…and that's mean!'

Zelly growled before getting out her notepad and scribbling him out of the script. 'Damn Nice Dante…'

Busta decided to try and help Rayne and Dante. 'Arson…will you turn into an Arse-off if I promise to take you to the park?'

'What's a park?'

'Um…a place with swings…'

Arson looked at her blankly.

'Uh…and see-saws…'

Arson frowned slightly.

'And hats!'

Arson squealed and clapped his hands. 'OOOH! HATS! YAY!' And with that, he turned devil.

'Go Arse-off use your flamethrower attack!' bawled Rayne, pointing at Neoberus.

"Arse-off" fell asleep instead, leaving Rayne to sigh. Mundus suddenly grabbed the Pokeball and cracked it using a nut sheller thingy. Dante popped out of the pokeball before looking at Mundus through his huge blue eyes. 'DADDY!' He squealed happily, hugging Mundus' leg. Sparda appeared from nowhere, looking pissed.

'I'M YOUR FATHER!'

Dante shrieked. 'NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Sparda groaned and rolled his eyes. 'How did I know that one was coming?'

Dante started wailing and kicking and rolling in the mud. Sparda frowned at his son before getting an idea and putting Snoopy on for him. Dante immediately calmed down and started watching TV.

Kikoken turned to Burry again. 'So Burry…why the K in your name?'

Burry smiled. 'Well…I don't know how to spell Bury…and I don't like koalas. The K stands for koalas.'

Kikoken frowned, looking confused. 'Bury Koalas?'

'YEP!'

Meanwhile, Chasm was running in the streets singing the theme tune of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Vampy heard him and frowned.

'…men…'

Chasm ran into a forest, screaming as though he were in the Blair Witch Project. 'NO DON'T KILL ME! NO DON'T KILL ME!' He roared as he slammed into a tree. Vampy rolled her eyes.

'…men…'

Chasm heard that and growled before flipping her off.

'…me-…' Vanpy suddenly noticed everyone staring at her.

Kikoken frowned. 'We've got to teach you how to insult people.'

Zelly glared at the chibified Dante. 'You should have asked him when he was older…' She sniffed, insulted.

Rayne suddenly remembered something and kicked Arson. 'I had to leave off something very important just to save your grandfather's ass! And he didn't even need saving!'

Busta sniffed the air. 'Um…Rayne? You're burning.'

'ARRRRRRRGH!' Rayne roared and ran back into the bedroom, where he'd be safe from the light.

'I could always make it worse.' Burry ran after him into the bedroom carrying her zippo but suddenly ran back out screaming. Busta looked at Burry quizzically and stared as Burry pointed towards Arson's bedroom. Busta remembered the strawberry infested walls and groaned.

'I have to go potty…' Dante suddenly proclaimed.

Kikoken ran away screaming.

Busta looked highly irritated. 'Do it in the swimming pool'

'Okay!' Dante grinned happily.

Dawn looked horrified as she was still in the swimming pool. 'NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!'

Busta turned away from the sight. 'So how are we going to turn him back? Oh and Kiko, it's safe now.'

Kikoken eventually came out of hiding. 'Thank God!'

Dante looked at Sparda and pouted. 'I want presents'

Sparda snorted and glared at his son. 'Well tough.'

'But it's my birthday!'

Sparda looked surprised. 'It is?'

Everyone glared at him.

Sparda coughed. 'I mean, of course it is!'

Mundus smiled in a friendly generous sort of way before giving Dante a sex toy.

Trish glared at Mundus. 'I see where Dante got that idea then…' Dante looked at the toy, bored before chucking it into the now dirty swimming pool. Tye and Dante shuddered at the same time, looking at the pool and the rude toy that floated in it.

'FRIZBEE!' Arson suddenly shrieked and grabbed a slipper in his mouth and tore it up randomly, leaving Tye and Dyne staring in shock at the random giddy teen. Sparda stared at the five year old Dante broodily before sighing.

'I have an idea.' He promptly smashed in Dante's head. Nothing happened.

'Well that worked.' Trish grumbled.

'I have a better idea.' Zelly cried.

Kikoken shuddered. 'Careful, he didn't wash his hands!'

Zelly suddenly whispered something in Dante's ear.

Dante woke up screaming. 'NO! NO BEDTIME! NO NO NO!'

Zelly laughed evilly. 'Oh yes!'

'But I wanna watch Snoopy!'

'Snoopy's rude!'

'B-b-but!' Dante's eyes began to well up with tears.

'When you're older…like say about 56, you can watch Snoopy.' Zelly grinned.

Dante's eyes widened before he started to cry. 'I DON'T WANNA BE A LITTLE KID ANYMORE!'

**POOF**

Dante gasped in shock before staring down at himself. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of overly tight boxers and a few shreds of ripped pink clothing. His eyes began to water and his voice went high pitched. 'Ow…'

Zelly squealed and drooled.

Busta promptly sprayed her with water. 'Bad girl! Bad!'

Zelly carried on staring.

Dante started to whimper. 'I feel so…I feel like a piece of meat!' He wailed before trying to run off, but could only limp instead.

Arson frowned. 'Why's he walking funny?'

Trish decided to try and explain. 'Because his boxers are too tight for him.'

Arson frowned, and failed to realize what Trish meant. 'So what?'

Trish sighed. 'Never mind Arson.'

'But I wanna know!' Arson demanded.

Vampy sighed before deciding to turn crazy. Hell, it seemed like everyone else was. 'MELON LEMON RHYMES WITH LIME!'

Busta gave her an odd look before shaking her head. 'Uh…no…'

'I'm sure I invited someone else…but who?' Arson suddenly cried.

**ELSEWHERE**

Titer was currently stuck in Hawaii watching girls Hula Dance for him. 'Wasn't I meant to be someplace?'

**SOMEPLACE ELSE**

'Never mind. This party sucks. I'm leaving.' Kikoken growled, before stalking off.

'Me too. Come on Ray,' sighed Zelly.

'I can't believe I got one line…make that two now.' Ray grinned.

'Ray?'

'Yes?'

'Shut up.'

'Yes ma'am. Hey! 4 lines now!' Ray did a dance before punching the air and grinning happily.

Zelly promptly got irritated before gagging her OC and shoving him through the fence.

Vampy ran away, barking after a postman and growling at him.

Burry continued to sit down placidly with her zippo of doom.

Dyne started whining. 'I wanna go hooooooooome!'

'Yeah me too!' Tye yelled out his agreement.

'Shut up! I need my revenge!' Burry roared.

Dyne promptly started to wail.

Determined not to be outdone. Tye started to wail too.

Dyne groaned before wailing harder, drowning him out.

Tye hissed at him before wailing even harder than Dyne.

Dyne wailed the hardest he could, knowing Tye couldn't beat him. 'HA HA! I BEAT YOU!'

'Oh poopies…' Tye sighed as they both left.

**AT QUARTER TO 9 THE NEXT DAY**

'I swear…I will gain my revenge…but on who?' Burry whined, sitting there, forgetting who it was she was meant to get revenge on. Hell…she just liked the idea of revenge.

**LATER AFTER DANTE THREW A TOILET ROLL AT BURRY**

'So you see, sir. That's the whole thing. I just can't seem to tell anyone the stress I feel! I mean, my partner's grandson keeps wearing bras as hats and my partner seems to think that everyone is laughing at him. He keeps mumbling about boxers…' Trish poured out her heart to the new psychiatrist.

The iguana poked out its tongue.

'Oh you are the best, sir! That's just what I'll do! Poke my tongue out at everyone! Thanks!'

The Iguana simply sat there and poked out its tongue again. Trish happily grinned and walked off, unknowing…

THAT THE TORTURE WOULD CONTINUE!


End file.
